


Strongest

by Jazznsmoke



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Adult Content, Break Up, Depression, F/M, Heartbreak, Song Lyrics, Trigger Warnings, Triggers, strongest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:47:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29528016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazznsmoke/pseuds/Jazznsmoke
Summary: Beth's world falls apart around her
Relationships: Beth Greene & Rick Grimes, Daryl Dixon & Beth Greene, Daryl Dixon & Rick Grimes, Daryl Dixon/Beth Greene
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this based on the song Strongest by Ina Wroldsen. Ash (Akira-flame) told me about this song while I was trying to survive the end of my world as I knew it. Writing this helped me process it. I hope you enjoy it.

She looked down at her sleeping daughter, tears forming. She took a deep breath, trying to hold back the surge of emotions she felt. She reached down and ran her hand through the little ones hair.

 _We're better off just friends..._ The words he just said to her played on repeat in her mind. She sat down on the bed and the tears started falling. She felt completely frozen, her heart beating erratically in her chest. She couldn't move, couldn't stop the words from playing on repeat in her head. She felt the bed dip next to her, felt his arms around her shoulders as he pulled her closer.

A part of her wanted to shove him away. Another part of her wanted to curl in closer, hold onto this moment of him holding her tightly one last time. Instead, Beth sat there, frozen in time. She felt her body shake with the force of her sobbing.

"Sh, c'mon, Beth, it's okay. Breathe."

She forced herself to take a ragged breath and then another. Her body shook harder the more she tried to slow her sobs. Daryl pulled her body tighter against his and laid them down on the bed, wrapping both arms around her. He ran his fingers through her hair, rubbed her back.

"Talk ta me,"

She shook her head.

"Let it out,"

"How..." She had to stop and wait out the sobs, " How can you give up on our family, our life?"

"It ain't like I won't be 'round."

"What did I do? Why aren't we worth fighting for? What the hell did I do that was so wrong to make ya leave us? Is she not worth us fighting for our family an' our life?" Betrayal bubbled it's way to the surface of her emotions.

He didn't say anything for a long time. "It ain't ya."

"Than why won't you fight? We've always gotten through everything that's been thrown at us before!" She pulled away from him and stood up, her body finally cooperating enough to let her get some distance from him.

"If we stay together we ain't gonna be able ta be friends,"

"That's bullshit an' ya know it," She felt the fight drain back out of her as fast as it hit her. It was over. She walked back to the bed and pulled the blanket back. She slipped under the blanket and curled herself into the tightest ball she could. She covered her face with the blanket and let the tears start falling again.

* * *

Her hands shook as she packed his clothing and few belongings into a couple of boxes. She thought back to the years they spent together, and to their life after having their daughter.

The front door opening pulled Beth back from her memories. Rick, their best friend walked in the door. He took a long look at her before he pulled her into a strong hug.

"How do I explain to a toddler that daddy's gone? How do I explain this shit to my daughter? What am I supposed to do when she asks for daddy?"

"You'll tell her what ya need to. You'll be the best that she ever knows,"

"I'll carry his share for us both, no matter how hard it gets, how dark the storm gets. Ill be mommy an' daddy,"


	2. Holding On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth sighed heavily into the darkness, glancing over at the clock as it clicks over to 1 AM. Nothing seems like it will ever be okay. The music playing in the background seems to echo her thoughts, hitting too close to home. She makes no move to turn the volume down or change the song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extreme trigger warnings. Please be aware of your triggers!   
> -cutting  
> -attempted suicide   
> -depression

Beth sighed heavily into the darkness, glancing over at the clock as it clicks over to 1 AM. Nothing seems like it will ever be okay. The music playing in the background seems to echo her thoughts, hitting too close to home. She makes no move to turn the volume down or change the song.

_Every day I feel this pain but you just turn and walk away_

She wonders, idly, if he’s lying in his bed staring at the ceiling and thinking of her too.

She thinks back to the moment everything changed, replaying it in her head like it happened just the day before, not nearly two years back.

“We’re better off just friends…”

She’d loved him from the moment she set eyes on him, a friend of a friend, in her new schools cafeteria. He was a bright spot when everything in her life had turned upside down just before her senior year.

But, she knows that he isn’t. At least it’s not in the way she’s thinking of him.

Her love for him was all consuming. It never stopped. He was her everything, regardless of what had happened.

For her it was like she had died a thousand deaths.

In the mornings she’d wake up and for one split second she would forget everything that had happened and all of the pain that came with it.

And all she wanted to know is if he could possibly feel the way she does.

Did he ever miss it?

Did he miss her?

For her, for her it was like the sun had set and wouldn’t eve rise again.

And no matter what, she couldn’t stop hanging on to them. If she let go what else did she have left?  
  
Nothing.

She couldn’t find the slightest reason to keep hanging on.

He didn’t make it any easier for her.

He knew just the words to make her fall in love with him all over again, over and over again.

Everything about him sang to her; body and spirit. 

She reaches, slowly, for the phone plugged in next to her. She hesitates for a single moment before picking it up and putting in her password.

Her thumb hovers over the messaging app.   
  


Should she? Is it worth it?

She opens their text thread and types in a message before she loses the courage to do it.

“Do you ever regret anything?” She asks.

The response comes quicker than she could have ever hoped for.

“No, regrets don’t change anything, and if I ever could change anything I wouldn’t.”

“What does that mean?” She types back, heart in her throat.

“Everything happens for a reason, I wouldn’t change us or her.”

She set down her glass, glancing down at her shaking hand. She debated for half of a moment before throwing caution to the wind and grabbing the bottle. She poured the amber liquid into her glass. She took a sip and set the glass down. A moment later she picked it back up, tipping the entirety into her mouth.

She re-reads the message, debating how to respond.

“Why not?” She finally settles on.

She refills her glass while she waits. The response doesn’t come for ten, fifteen minutes.

She nearly drops her newly refilled glass.

  
“Because, I don’t want you to be a regret. My feelings haven’t changed.”

Silent tears make their way down her cheeks. She swats them away, choking back a sob.   
  


Beth closes the app, and switches off her phone. Her heart beats wildly in her chest. She forces herself to take a deep breath.

She stands, too quickly and the world fades in and out around her. She blinks to clear her vision and falls to her knees.

_“Will you marry me?” She holds out a shiny white pebble to him._

_He smiles, eyes crinkling. His eyes captivate her as she waits._

_They’re standing in the parking lot of a gas station in a middle of nowhere town, next to one of their closest friends at 3 am. It didn’t matter in the slightest where they were or that it was 3 in the morning. It was just their brand of redneck crazy._

_He nods and that’s all she needs before she’s jumping into his arms._

_Rick laughs from a few feet behind them._

How did things change so drastically?

Broken sobs fill the room, drowning out the music.

Her sobs end as abruptly as they started, a startling clarity hitting her. She stumbled to her feet and the few steps to the kitchen. The drawer rattle with the force she uses to open it. Her hand is shaking, as she grabs the first knife in the drawer.

Tears cascade down her red cheeks and she falls back to her knees on the cold tile.

She lifts the blade and hovers it over her left wrist.   
  


She breathes in, shakily.

The knife shakes wildly in her hands. Beth takes one last deep breath before pressing it to her wrist. The cut is shallow, but blood still wells up, running down the inside of her arm to her elbow.

The next breath hitches, yet she’s calmer than before.

Another cut, deeper. Blood drips on the floor, puddling around her.   
  


Beth let’s her body relax completely and she sways where she’s kneeling.

A moment later she leans back and allows herself to lay on the tile.

She struggles to lift the knife in her right hand. She fights the tremors in her hand. One more cut.

It’s deeper than the other two. Blood pours out of her wrist.

She doesn’t feel the throbbing or burning in her arm. The tears have stopped flowing. She drops the knife and reaches around her blindly.

Beths hand touches the edge of her phone where she dropped it earlier. She thumbs in the passcode, blinking at it groggily. It’s muscle memory as she dials the number.

The line trills loudly in the quiet of the house.

It clicks as the call is accepted.

Her vision is dimming.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

_Every day I feel this pain_

_But you just turn and walk away_

_No, I just keep hanging on_

_To you and me_   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this as cutting is something I’ve struggled with in the past and have recently been struggling with again. I’ve never been suicidal, exactly but I’ve idealized suicide and thought about it. I’ve overcome a lot of trauma in my life and I’m still overcoming trauma. Please reach out to me if you need to talk and remember there are resources out there to help. Keep fighting. Stay strong.


End file.
